SO,  I have decided to blog, what I am calling “40 till 40”.  Basically, it will be 40 lessons that I have learned / or am learning.   Some may be funny….some may be serious…we shall see where this takes us! 

Prior to getting married, I took for granted my fertility.  When dreaming about your marriage & future family, most girls never stop to think about infertility.  It’s not something that you question.  You assume that you will be in charge of the size of your family, (depending on your beliefs about birth control).  I always pictured myself, husband & 2 kids.  That was the size of my family growing up.  It seemed like a perfect number.  One parent/one kid.  Never imagining that even conceiving one child would be difficult. 

But, God had other plans for my life. 

One child.  Not 2.  Not 5.  Not 19. 

One. 

One child that took over a year to conceive.  Month after month, many negative pregnancy tests, many late periods, hopes would begin and then be dashed.  I couldn’t understand it.  Why?  Why me?  Why us? 

But it was God’s timing.  Not mine.  He was in control. 

Finally, I was pregnant.  I was more than ecstatic.  I had dreamed and waited for this!  Then 3 solid months of “morning-n00n-night” sickness set in.  I was miserable, but it was ok.  As long as God was protecting the baby inside me, I was fine with not feeling well. 

9 months later, a healthy, beautiful boy was born.  He was (& is) a precious gift from God. 

But, I was still planning out my life.  Thinking that I knew what was in store for us, as a family. 

So, almost 2 years later, we began to desire another child.  Seemed logical.  A playmate.  A brother or sister.  But, that wasn’t what God had in store for our family. 

Now, my son is almost 16.  No brothers.  No sisters.  Just him.  A single blessing from God. 

Is this what I had planned for my life?  Was this the family I dreamed of?  No. 

Did I have many times that I questioned God?  Absolutely. 

It made me doubt myself as a mom.  As a woman.  As a wife.  People all around me where having more children.  Not me.  Wasn’t I a good enough parent?  Didn’t God think I could handle more than one? 

For 15 years I struggled with those questions.  Yes, I knew that there are many women that would love to have one child.  I understand that & I am very thankful for the one that I do have. 

Do I always understand why things happen in my life?  No.  Does God’s plan always align with mine?  Definitely not. 

But I’m ok with that now. 

God has walked me down this path for a reason.  His reason.  God’s plan is best. 

It’s not always easy.  Nor do we always understand it.  But, God’s plan is best.

The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  In Proverbs 16:9, God tells us “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”   

God’s plan is best.